Weird Al Yankovic

從前愛看歡樂今宵的搞笑歌，當中的經典之作，如《幾許瘋語》《掃墓》《凶凳》等，今天仍歷歷在目．很奇怪，當聽到熟悉的歌詞被改得面目全非，就算改得不太高明，也會忍俊不禁．幽默，的確是兩種不相容的意識型態，互相碰撞時所產生的火花．

後期曾志偉和林敏聰亦有些改編創作，但好像都比較粗俗，印象不太深刻．近年卻不見類似的搞笑作品；是香港人的口味高尚嚴肅了，還是沒有人再肯花心思「創作」？

全球最成功的搞笑歌手，非美國的Weird Al Yankovic莫屬．他靠改編別人歌曲的parody，竟然能唱到拿白金唱片．二十年前，Weird Al把Michael Jackson的《Bad》改做《Fat》，還扮成痴肥拍了個一模一樣的MTV（場景原來是MJ特別借給他拍攝的），叫人笑破肚皮．二十年來， Weird Al一直有新歌；但平常少聽歌少看電視，便不太清楚他的歌曲．

直到偉大的youtube出現，才有機會重溫多年來錯過了的精彩作品．有改了當年很紅的《Gangsta's Paradise》做《Amish Paradise》，挖苦不食人間煙火的Amish族；有把層層疊疊的《American Pie》流暢地改為Star Wars故事簡介的《The saga begins》；還有緊貼科網潮流的《eBay》（Backstreet Boys《 I Want It That Way》）和《White and Nerdy》（Chamillionaire《Ridin'》）．不能不佩服Weird Al的創作力．當原唱者都已經消聲匿跡，他依然在嘻笑怒罵，依然大受歡迎．

這裡介紹的《Don’t Download This Song》，並不是改編作品．不過你一定覺得似曾相識，因為它完全是和《We are the World》一樣的八十年代柴娃娃大合唱籌款歌．歌詞勸人不要非法下載，實則諷刺唱片商和歌星貪得無厭，十分生鬼過癮．

（忽然興起，把歌詞隨便亂譯一通，請多多包涵．現在是中港台的大年初一，祝各位豬年快樂，事事順心！）

Once in a while maybe you will feel the urge
To break international copyright law
By downloading MP3 from file-sharing sites
Like Morpheus or Grokster or Limewire or KaZaA
偶然間　你或會感到一絲衝動
想侵略　國際版權法
到那些file-sharing網站　下載MP3
例如Morpheus或Grokster或Limewire或Kazaa

But deep in your heart you know the guilt would drive you mad

And the shame would leave a permanent scar

'Cause you start out stealing songs and then you're robbing liquor stores

And selling crack and running over school kids with your car
但你深心知道　那罪惡感會令你瘋狂
那羞恥　會留下永遠的傷痕
因為　由盜竊歌曲開始　接著你會搶劫酒舖
然後販賣可卡因　和開車輾過學校的小孩　

So don't download this song

The record store's where you belong

Go and buy the CD like you know that you should

Oh, don't download this song
所以　不要下載這首歌
唱片店才是屬於你的地方
去買那張CD吧　你知道你該這樣做
噢　不要下載這首歌

Oh, you don't wanna mess with the R-I-double-A

They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R

It doesn't matter if you're a grandma or a seven year old girl

They'll treat you like the evil hard-bitten criminal scum you are
噢　不要跟RIAA找麻煩 *
一旦燒了那張光碟　他們便會起訴你
不論你是老婆婆　還是七歲小女孩
他們都把你當作死不悔改　十惡不赦的廢柴罪犯般看待

So don't download this song

Don't go pirating music all day long

Go and buy the CD like you know that you should

Oh, don't download this song
所以　不要下載這首歌
不要整天在盜錄音樂
去買那張CD吧　你知道你該這樣做
噢　不要下載這首歌

Don't take away money from artists just like me

How else can I afford another solid gold Hum-vee

And diamond-studded swimming pools

These things don't grow on trees

So all I ask is, "Everybody, please..."
不要拿走　像我這樣的藝術家的金錢
我還有甚麼方法　可以負擔得起另一輛鍍金的軍車？
和鑲滿鑽石的泳池？
這些東西　不會從樹上長出來啊
所以　我只求：「請大家．．．

Don't download this song (Don't do it, no, no)

Even Lars Ulrich knows it's wrong (You can just ask him)

Go and buy the CD like you know that you should (You really should)

h, don't download this song
不要下載這首歌（不要這樣做　no　no）
連Lars Ulrich也知這是不對的**　（你可以去問他）
去買那張CD吧　你知道你該這樣做　（你真的應該）
噢　不要下載這首歌

Don't download this song (Oh please, don't you do it)

Or you might wind up in jail like Tommy Chong (Remember Tommy)

Go and buy the CD (Right now) like you know that you should (Go out and buy it)

Oh, don't download this song
不要下載這首歌　（噢　請你不要這樣做）
否則　最後你會像Tommy Chong一樣坐監***　（記著　Tommy）
去買那張CD吧（立刻）　你知道你該這樣做　（出外去買它）
噢　不要下載這首歌

Don't download this song (No, no, no, no, no, no)

You'll burn in hell before too long (and you'll deserve it)

Go and buy the CD (Just buy it) like you know that you should (You cheap bastard)

Oh, don't download this song
不要下載這首歌　（no, no, no, no, no, no）
不用過多久　你便會在地獄被焚（你罪有應得）
去買那張CD吧（只要買它）　你知道你該這樣做（你這貪小便宜的賤種）
噢　不要下載這首歌

（*）RIAA：Recording Industry Association of America，代表唱片界利益的組織，到處興訟要求下載者賠償巨額金錢
（**）Lars Ulrich：樂隊Metallica 的鼓手，曾在國會作供反對當年盛極一時的Napster，惹來網民圍攻
（***）Tommy Chong：Cheech & Chong「大麻」系列喜劇影星，年前曾被捕入獄